Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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