Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
