I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Nicole vs. Life
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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