My room smells like vodka and shame
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
