This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
