Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
