Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
