I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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