Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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