I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
