I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
