I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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