TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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