Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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