she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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