i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
