ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
bring money and cleavage
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
