it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
