ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
