all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
