thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
