I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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