This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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