Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
