i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
