i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
