I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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