Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
