I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
