I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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