So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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