Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
