i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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