I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
