Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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