the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
