you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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