No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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