Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
