i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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