Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
