Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
