Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
