i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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