I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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