So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
