Can Purell be used as lube?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
