what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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