you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
