Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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