Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So many bounce houses so little time
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
